Thursday, February 9, 2012

Fast Day 22

Saturday, February 4.

Just Another Day

Today (well, Saturday) was a tough day. 

But to do so, I have to give an overview of my past, and yesterday mostly.

I had a boyfriend a while ago. We were together for a long time. And it didn't necessarily end well. I never fully let him go, and I had such a hard time just getting through life the last 2 years with the guilt of everything and knowing I wasn't good enough.

This majorly affected my walk with Christ.

I felt like I wasn't good enough. Like Christ couldn't love me as much as anyone else.

I felt like an outsider.
And I hated it.

I was scared to tell people my story. I was scared to trust people, and I didn't want to let anyone in except the people who already knew. Those were the only people I trusted with anything. There was a slight opening for some girls whose attitudes and personalities were similar to mine. But even then, it was hard.

Last night, (Friday, the third of February) Pastor Jim Anderson came to the Rock. 

He talked about women (girls) being an Esther.
My goals in life are now to be an Esther and a Proverbs 31 woman.

Long story short,

My life was changed Friday, February 3, 2012.
I will no longer let my past affect me.
I will no longer be scared to trust people.
(I won't trust everyone, but I will let trustable people in my life.)
I will no longer let jealousy creep into my heart.
I will no longer let myself be used. 

I will no longer hold onto memories.

I am a NEW person.

Thank the Lord.

((Just FYI, when the Lord majorly impacts your life, you are usually attacked by the devil in the next few days...))

So back to 'today'...

Today I had a CPR class all day.
Long day!
I had to do the Heimlich maneuver on a 400 pound guy.
That's just awesome for a 113 pound girl.

Anyways, I had to write the date “February 4, 2012” over and over again on the different pages we had.

Today would have marked 2 years with my ex-boyfriend. We had plans for this day. And the first time I had to write the date, every memory from the whole relationship came flooding back. I started to let it get to me. My heart started to sink. I was about to cry.

At that moment, when I felt myself sinking into a slight 'depression', I heard a little whisper.
It wasn't loud and audible.
It was quiet. 
It was like any other thought I would have normally had.
Like a conscience.

I am with you”

Instantly I looked back and remembered I could trust Christ, and that he will never leave me nor forsake me. I don't have to ever worry about being alone, which means I will never have to worry about running to a guy ever again. I don't need a guy to make me feel good about myself. I have Jesus Christ in my heart who will help me in any time of need. 

My day went on as every other Saturday, church and a Dwyer date. But this moment went through my head all day long...

The eyes of a renewed person.

“I have chosen you and not cast you off; fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand.” 
Isaish 41:9-10

“Cast all your anxieties on him because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7

“For freedom Christ has set us freel stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galations 5:1

God bless. 

1 comment:

  1. you are so precious emma! i am so grateful to have you in my life;you have definitely impacted it. I cannot wait to see how your relationship continues to grow in God. While I was reading this I really felt like God was renewing you. And because of him you are pure and new in his name. ahhh. I love you so much. If you ever need anything i'm always here; and i will do the best i can to be the best friend you could ask for.